Act 5, Scene One – The Castle, The Morning After

Narrator: As dawn breaks over the castle – well OK, more like midmorning really – the dogs creep out of their baskets

Prince Charming enters stage right

Dogdini: How’s the head old chap? *sniggers behind paw*

Prince Charming: *distractedly* Eh? What?  Um – fine thank you – you don’t look so hot though. I – er –

Dogdini: Spit it out Charming, what is it?

Prince Charming: Well um you remember I was dancing with that really gorgeous young dog who just ran off at midnight?

Dogdini: Yess….

Prince Charming: Well I dreamt about her all night and when I woke up I realised I still have her beautiful jewelled collar…

Dogdini: Well that’s a miracle in itself considering how much bacon beer you put away

Prince Charming: I think I’m in love with her

Dogdini: WHAT?? You cannot be Serious?

Prince Charming: I am. I gotta find her. And there isn’t an iBone app for this either. I’m just going to have to sniff out who this collar fits!

Dogdini: Well if you’re determined I’d better come with you. Might come across some of those other gorgeous girl pups too woof woof

All dogs run off stage left, The Queen enters from stage right

The Queen: Charming? Charming? Where the dog are they all. Useless boy.  No sign of an engagement either. Hopeless waste of noms last night

Narrator: So the Queen looks in vain for her son and heir, soon giving up and retiring to her throne-basket. There she begins to dream…

The Queen: Oh… Baron… you are too kind… no really… just a few noms I threw together… ooooh Baron… snore… snore…

Act 5 Scene Two – Cinderellapaws’ Kennel

Narrator: So the dogs trudged high and low, the length of the kingdom, until finally they ended up in the woods close to where they began

Prince Charming: We’ve come all this way and no closer to finding anyone who this collar will fit

Dogdini: Yes.  I’m knackered.  We’re going to have to give up soon

Prince Charming: Shush!  Something’s happening!  What’s that glowing light in the trees

Narrator: The dogs sit down as the Star of the East appears

Star of the East: Prince, I am here to guide you – your destiny lies in that humble kennel yonder

Prince Charming: What?  That’s just Baron Hardupaw’s place, I think you must be mistaken

Star of the East: No I tell you truly, you must enter in and you will find your true love

Dogdini: You have to be joking!

Star of the East: Look, do you want my help or not. Up to you. I haven’t got all day, I’ve got to glow elsewhere

Dogdini: Oh come on we may as well, at least we may get some elevenses

Prince Charming: Well OK, if you’re sure *despondent ears*

Star of the East: Dear Prince, have faith and your dreams will come true

Star of the East vanishes.  Dogs knock on kennel, the Puss in Lycra opens the door

Gucci: Well MOL, what have we here?  Come in doggies, I must say you look a bit RUFF!

Prince Charming: I’m looking for the dog who fits this collar, as she is my true love.

Gucci: Miiiiiiaaaaooowww is that so?  I don’t think it will fit any of the dogs here *snigger*

Enter Baron stage right

Baron Hardupaw: What’s going on here cat?

Gucci: Some dogs say they’re looking for a girl dog to marry the Prince.

Prince Charming: The dog who fits this collar shall be my Princess Wife.

Baron Hardupaw: Eh? What? MillieMoo! LucyLou! Get your furry butts in here

MillieMoo: Yes Father?

Baron Hardupaw: Try on this collar.

MillieMoo: How Pretty! Oh but it doesn’t fit!

LucyLou: It doesn’t fit me either even though I am so slim now…

Enter stage left Goldoglocks, Ellie Bell and Molly Doll

Goldoglocks: What about me, I’ll try it?  No it’s too small

EllieBell: It fits me! It fits me!

MollieDoll: Oh no it doesn’t

EllieBell: Oh yes it does

MollieDoll: Oh no it doesn’t, look how it’s pulling your fur

EllieBell: *sulking* well it won’t fit you either then

MollieDoll: *sighing* no it doesn’t

Prince Charming: Are there no more doggies in this kennel?

Gucci: Only my mother and she’s ancient

Dogdini: You’d better call her

MillieMoo: Cinders!

Cinderella enters stage right

Cinderellapws: What is it Millie – Oh!  It’s the Prince! *blushes furiously*

Prince Charming: It’s – it’s – the beautiful dog from yesterday!  Try on this collar…

Dogdini: It fits!

Baron Hardupaw: IT FITS!

Prince Charming Oh! It Fits! Oh my paws, you are my beautiful Princess Dog and I claim you as my wife!

Cinderellapaws: My Prince has come!

Baron Hardupaw: Well that’s all very well but it’s a bit sudden and I have a number of other female dependant dogs to think about you know

Sudden bangs and crashes and the Furry Dogmother falls out of a cupboard

Furry Dogmother: Aha!  You are reckoning without the Furry Dogmother! *waves wand wildly*

Cinderellapaws: Dear Furry Dogmother! #pantopawz

Furry Dogmother: I’ll make everything come out right. With a bit of luck.

Dogdini: Come on everyone – back to the Castle!


Don’t forget if you enjoy the panto please consider making a donation at Virgin Money Giving