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I don’t share my house with anything of the feline persuasion (thankfully), nor do I actually know any cats although I have a few living locally who saunter past my house every now and then. However, as many of my furiends on twitter share their cat anecdotes and because I am a dog, I think I am qualified to provide my thoughts on the differences between dogs and cats.

It seems to me that:

Dogs will go to their humans when called, whereas cats will take a message and get back to their humans when and only when they are ready to do so, if they ever are.

Dogs let their humans give them a bath without attempting to permanently maim them with razor-sharp teeth or claws.

Dogs tilt their heads and listen to humans whenever they speak; cats yawn and close their eyes.

Dogs will bark to wake the household up if there is a fire; cats will just quietly sneak out the back door and find a new home down the road.

A dog will fetch you something useful after a hard day’s work such as your slippers or the newspaper; a cat might condescend to bring you a dead mouse or worse still, a not quite dead mouse.

Dogs will play frisbee or whatever game a human wants to play all afternoon; cats will take a three hour nap.

A dog will happily go on a car journey with you & sit on the car seat next to you whereas a cat has to have its own private box and even then it’s a fight to the death to get the cat to go.

Dogs will eat whatever their humans give them & do so in double quick time to show how grateful they are; cats will spend an age thinking whether they will eat what’s been put in front of them, take a tiny amount, leave the rest & then refuse to eat it later because it’s “been out too long”.

In short, dogs are better than cats in so many ways. So why are there more cats than dogs in Britain? How did the felines become so popular when they are renowned for their disdain of any living creature other than themselves? This has to be one of the greatest mysteries of our time and the scandal of it is is that no-one is conducting any sort of investigation. In my humble opinion, Government should immediately launch a public inquiry into the issue.

If you know of any other differences between us dogs and them cats, please feel free to leave a comment.